dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
