She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
