The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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