We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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