think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize