we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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