I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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