my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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