2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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