Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cockslap morals
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
