here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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