he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
