Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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