That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
