Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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