i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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