Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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