My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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