Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ttyl tear gas
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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