i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
