I could have mohawked her pubes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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