those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
