If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i think i just lost a toe
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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