My nipple is on Facebook.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
