My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
