I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
