I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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