i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
