i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need water and some morals
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize