Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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