Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
