I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
