whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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