just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
