my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
