remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
