She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
