I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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