see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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