no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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