my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
