It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
