a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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