i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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