Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
