At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
