I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
