Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
