i permit you to call me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
