if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
