drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
