I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
