I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
