is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How does one acquire holy water?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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