I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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