Why does Corona taste like a burp?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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