dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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