stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
