Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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