All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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