i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would ride that face into the sunset
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
