I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
