just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
