Your mouth is God's brothel.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
