the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
