You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
