She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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