Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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