you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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