I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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