omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
